A Belated Valentine's Day Special

It's just me in this episode, and I've included a letter that talks about why abortions are a radical act of self love. I warn you now -  it’s all the cheese and cliches that you’d expect from a Valentine’s Day Special, but I couldn’t pass the chance to dedicate an episode to love!

Links:

Support the Podcast: www.buymeacoffee.com/abortionlove /

Valentine's Day Special Playlist / 

Instagram: @abortionwithlove / 
Twitter: @AbortionWithLuv / 
email: abortionwithlove@gmail.com / 

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Yoga with Adriene ‘Breathe’ 30 Day Yoga Challenge / 

Satisfier Pro 2 (if any sex toy brands wanna sponsor me, send me a message!) / 

Abortion Book Club:  https://www.otherabortionstories.space (Twitter: @AbortionBooks_) / 

The Break by Marian Keyes / 

The Body Love Sketch Club (Instagram: @bodylovesketchclub) / 

Renee Bracey Sherman: https://www.reneebraceysherman.com/about/ / 

Transcript

Hi all,

Happy Valentine’s day. By the time I’ve recorded and edited this episode and it’s reached your ears, it is probably way past Valentine’s day. But that’s kind of perfect because time is a construct and Valentine’s day is a capitalist scam. But dedicating a day to love is always a beautiful thing in my book. Today we’re mixing things up, and it’s only going to be me. I’m going to walk you through my Valentine’s day. For the first time in a long time, I had the apartment to myself. And because of that, I decided I wanted to spend the day alone, and really just pamper myself the way I would pamper a lover.

My day started with what actually has been a highlight of my day everyday, some yoga. Oops, I forgot to warn you that this episode is gonna be full of cliches. if you thought that this would somehow be a new and refreshing take on self-love on Valentine’s day then I suggest you skip this episode because I’ll be talking about exactly the kind of thing you might read in a self help magazine. Though I included a love letter at the end, which could be worth the wait.

At the start of January I decided to start a 30 day yoga challenge, on Yoga With Adriene’s Youtube Channel. Me and three and a half million other viewers around the world. It started with this gnawing feeling that after three months of winter hibernation, it was probably time to move my body a little bit. A workout was too ambitious, but 20 minutes of light yoga felt doable. And for the first week it felt more like a chore, forcing myself to do my cats and cows and downward dogs. But then something changed, and I started to feel my body get a tiny bit stretchier, my mind a little more quiet, I was walking around with my back a little straighter. And it just started to feel good. But my favourite part of all of this was that Adriene, in that cheesy and cringey way that she can sometimes be, was telling me to whisper things like “I am strong” and making me massage my feet, and telling me to wrap myself up in a blanket while we laid still for the last few minutes of the video. And I surrendered those thoughts that were telling me this was silly, and actually enjoyed those tiny actions. They remind me of my friend Clara, who’s a yoga instructor among other things, and who at the end of every practice would walk around the room giving everyone face massages. And while it’s definitely not the same, I realised I didn’t need Clara to give my body that kind of love. Though Clara is still essential to my life in profound ways. Anyways, what I’m getting at is that you can basically skip the 30 day challenge, because the best part really was the solo feet massages. Though the yoga part was really nice too.

Then I spent about an hour in the bathroom. I took a shower, I may or may not have enjoyed the company of my beloved Satisfyer Pro 2, I exfoliated my body, trimmed my nails, cleaned my ears, I applied lots of luscious wonderfully smelling oils and creams on myself. 

I walked around in my bathrobe feeling like royalty, watered all of my plants. This very graceful scene interrupted by the abrupt smacking of me killing the fungus gnats that seem to never go away despite all my home remedies. I then sat on the couch with a facemask on, hair wrapped in a towel, a warm cup of tea in my hands, and started reading the Break, by Marian Keyes, in preparation for the next Abortion Book Club Meeting. Yeah, in case you didn’t catch it in the episode with Joe Strong, there’s a book club dedicated to books about abortion, and it’s so great. You don’t even have to read the books! Side note - after living in Gothenburg for 3 years I finally signed up at the public library. Did you know that you can borrow books for free at the library?? I’m very late to the party, but libraries are freaking wonderful. I guess i’ve always felt like the books I like to read are not famous enough to be in a public library, and that I just love books so much I very selfishly just want to own all of them. But being unemployed, and being burdened by books that I bought and hated, I decided to give the library a try. And it’s the best. Plus the pressure of having to return books is actually getting me to read more, and that’s nice.

I bought myself a plant and cooked myself a fancy meal and treated myself to some natural wine, with placemats and linen napkins and candles and Erykah Badu. I can recommend all of it. 

The best part of my day though, was the life drawing session I attended on Zoom, hosted by the Body Love Sketch Club, and here’s a shoutout to my friend Laura for recommending it. It’s a Zoom call of about 50 people, and you can volunteer to pose while everyone else draws you. I had lost all hope for finding honest human connection over zoom. But I left that Zoom call feeling so energised and inspired. It was a space that welcomed all bodies, all forms of creative expression, where there was so much kindness and vulnerability and nakedness. I had so much fun, and I even mustered up the courage to pose semi-nude, and it felt really good. There’s something kind of magical about 49 people admiring your body and immortalising it on paper. 

I think what actually made this day possible was the fact that it coincided with my phone detox. I turned my phone off for 48 whole freaking hours. I have been feeling a lot of anxiety lately and since I had no plans for the weekend, I thought I’d take the opportunity to see what it would be like to be out of service. And it was so refreshing. I thought it would be really hard, especially now that it’s winter and there’s a pandemic and our opportunities for entertainment and stimulation and human connection feel so limited. But it actually wasn’t hard at all. At the beginning I kept catching myself wanting to fill in those blank moments in my day, while I wait for the water to boil or when I’m sitting on the toilet. But once it sunk in that I didn’t have a phone, I just sat and waited and thought about things and looked around me. I feel kind of pathetic saying all of this, like that I’m addicted to my phone and I forgot what it’s like to just sit and think and not be distracted all the time, and that the only way to get me to stop scrolling aimlessly on social media is to just turn the whole thing off. But it’s how it is, and I know I’m not alone in feeling that. So if this resonates with you, I recommend turning off your phone for a while.

And to end the day of modest indulgences, I decided to write a letter to you, so here it is:

Dear listeners,

Your reasons for having an abortion are your business, and you don’t owe anyone an explanation or justification. I don’t care if you used birth control or not, I don’t care if you are financially stable or not, I don’t care if you’re single or not, I don’t care if the time was right for having children or not. Or what I mean to say is that I do care, but I care about you and I trust that you did what you had to do, and for that I am proud of you. You are your best advocate, and I’m here to support you in whatever ways you need to be supported.

You are entitled to feel whatever you feel, from grief to joy and everything in between. And those two are not opposite ends of a spectrum, it’s not an either or. You can feel strong and powerless. You can feel ashamed and empowered. You can feel total joy and freedom while being so enraged you want to break the world around you. Feel it all and feel it shamelessly, unapologetically, feel everything at the same time or let those feelings come to you in scattered moments, but let yourself feel. We are complicated and messy and hold multiple truths. 

The world says we don’t exist. But here we are, living. Choosing love over fear. Choosing abundance over scarcities. Choosing to take up space, unapologetically, in a world that is constantly trying to deny us that space.

I believe that abortions are a radical act of self love. It’s about putting yourself first, of putting your family first, of prioritising yourself and your own body. It’s also a radical act of rebellion, of politely declining pregnancy. Saying “no thanks, not for me, not today”. Of rejecting society’s expectations that tell you that you have to become a parent, no matter at what cost. Of rejecting the expectation that women have to sacrifice themselves and their needs for others. It’s a radical act of love to future you and your future children- of saying “this world does not deserve my baby”, not right now, anyway. 

I am pro-abortion, just like I am pro-universal health care, pro-paid parental leave, pro-abolition. I don’t believe that abortion is a last resort, or a worst case scenario, or a Plan B. I don’t believe in avoiding abortions, or reducing abortions. I am pro-abortion because I am pro-life, I am pro-sex, and I believe in a world where love is not a commodity, where we can love unconditionally and where we can prioritise pleasure. I believe that abortion is one of the tools that exist for people to create the life they want for themselves. Because I believe that babies should be born to a world that welcomes them and supports them and their existence fully. Because with abortions come intentionality. The intentionality of putting yourself and your community first. 

I love abortion, and implying otherwise would mean denying the history of women who have been in control of their own fertility since the beginning of time. It would be denying the perseverance, the resilience, the power of women, of people who get pregnant. We have the responsibility to shape a future that is centered around justice. A responsibility to dismantle the boxes that categorise people and their pregnancies. That categorises humans as wanted and unwanted. That encourages some pregnancies and looks down on others. That celebrates some babies and neglects others. We have a responsibility to take down this world and build a new one - where we honour the abortions and the pregnancies and the births of everyone. 

As the incredible Renee Bracey Sherman says, everyone loves someone who has an abortion. 

And I love you.

Yours truly,
Camila

Alright, that’s it for today. Thank you for listening, I appreciate you so much. And I love hearing from you, send me your own self-care rituals, your own love letters, your questions or suggestions. This project has been so incredibly fulfilling for me. It gives me the chance to meet incredible people who are fighting for reproductive justice, and  it gives me the chance to spread their magic to you. That being said, this project requires a lot of time, and money. And while I strongly believe that it’s worth it, I would appreciate some support. If you’re up for supporting this work financially, There’s a link in my show notes where you can buy me a coffee. And if that’s not your jam, that’s totally cool, and there are other ways you can support my work! If you have a cool project of your own and want to collaborate, give me a shout! This podcast belongs to you too. You can also support me by sharing the podcast with people you think might enjoy it, or maybe even to people who definitely won't enjoy it. You can follow me on social media, after all its 2021 and followers are a modern currency. Or you can just continue listening, I see you and I’m so glad you’re here.